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Gansey understood Noah not wanting to be touched. He was always careful of that with Adam, never sure if the abuse would translate into a need for more personal space than what Gansey gave Ronan and others he was close to. But seeing Noah be unwilling to touch, startling away from him, acting afraid of him.
As he watched Noah's reactions to his presence, it felt like a vital part of himself was being slowly torn out of him. Even when he'd had his worst fights with Adam, when they'd lashed out at each other with words until they were both bleeding out from it, Adam had never acted like this.
His skin grew cold, a sensation of dread tightening his chest. What had he done to cause this? He'd misspoken. He'd said thoughtless, hurtful things, but nothing that should have made Noah afraid of him or not be able to look at him. Had he done something before he died that had caused this?
Noah had said that they loved him enough to save him. That didn't make sense when now Noah acted like he didn't want to be near him. He was afraid of him. The thought made bile climb up his throat and he felt like he would sick all over the diner floor.
"Noah, I'm not pretending. I do love you." But Noah wouldn't believe him. Something made that impossible. Made him scared of him. As that realization settled icily in his chest, he could feel the brush of wings against his skin, the steady crawl along his arms. Against his ears. "I don't know what I can do that would prove that to you."
Scrubbing a hand over his left ear, he knew his expression was slipping into one that was not Gansey III approved. Stricken and scared and horrified over whatever he'd done - whatever he would do later - that caused Noah to be afraid of him. His eyes burned and his throat felt thick.
Taking a step back, he searched for a way to leave the diner without crowding Noah or causing a scene. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I'm in Spring. If you..." His voice trailed off because he knew Noah wouldn't. He didn't want Gansey to be near him. "I should go. Let you finish your coffee."
As he watched Noah's reactions to his presence, it felt like a vital part of himself was being slowly torn out of him. Even when he'd had his worst fights with Adam, when they'd lashed out at each other with words until they were both bleeding out from it, Adam had never acted like this.
His skin grew cold, a sensation of dread tightening his chest. What had he done to cause this? He'd misspoken. He'd said thoughtless, hurtful things, but nothing that should have made Noah afraid of him or not be able to look at him. Had he done something before he died that had caused this?
Noah had said that they loved him enough to save him. That didn't make sense when now Noah acted like he didn't want to be near him. He was afraid of him. The thought made bile climb up his throat and he felt like he would sick all over the diner floor.
"Noah, I'm not pretending. I do love you." But Noah wouldn't believe him. Something made that impossible. Made him scared of him. As that realization settled icily in his chest, he could feel the brush of wings against his skin, the steady crawl along his arms. Against his ears. "I don't know what I can do that would prove that to you."
Scrubbing a hand over his left ear, he knew his expression was slipping into one that was not Gansey III approved. Stricken and scared and horrified over whatever he'd done - whatever he would do later - that caused Noah to be afraid of him. His eyes burned and his throat felt thick.
Taking a step back, he searched for a way to leave the diner without crowding Noah or causing a scene. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I'm in Spring. If you..." His voice trailed off because he knew Noah wouldn't. He didn't want Gansey to be near him. "I should go. Let you finish your coffee."
