affection_for_research | Fluxscape IC Inbox

She constantly spurns me, leaving me sleepless and heartbroken.

I was hoping that insomnia wouldn't be a habit that you didn't pick up from us.

[Reading the text about homesickness, Gansey sighs, leaning back against the smooth wood of the stall. Drill Bit takes this as a sign that it's time to snuggle, acting more puppyish than a goat should. He begins scritching her ears, thinking about Henrietta and Monmouth and the things that meant home.]

I'm surprised that this place is letting you be homesick. It seems to do everything it can to give us what it things would keep us happy and from thinking of home.

[That might not be the goal of this pocket dimension, but it seems to at least be a side effect of this reality. The Barns. Their friends, or the ones who could travel to other dimensions. Or possibly copies of their friends. He's still not certain of some things. Their cars. There were only a few things missing to make it 'home'.]

I thought that it would give you a version of Fox Way. It's given us facsimiles of everything else we might want, why not that?

I doubt that hanging out with y'all is the cause. I think it's this place. Something isn't right about it, it's throwing me out of whack.

[ She snorts out loud in quiet laughter. ]

Remind me never to use that phrase again.

[ Blue pauses to think of her last memory in Fox Way. As much as she would have loved for there to be a replica of that little blue house somewhere, she's not sure she'd be able to stay in it alone -- much less sleep there soundly. She keeps replaying those moments with Gansey and Noah in her head, each time more vivid than the one before it until the scar above her eye burns like it's been ripped open again.

The walls of her apartment are just foreign enough to her to keep most of the nightmares away. ]

I don't think I want it here yet. The last time we were there wasn't really pleasant.

I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

I've thought something was off for weeks, but I thought there was something wrong with me.

[There probably is. Gansey won't deny that. He's learned more about the future than he's comfortable with, and he's dealing with a complicated tangle of emotions that he can't allow himself to show. It's exhausting even without his usual insomnia to wear down his mental defenses.]

Why would I do that when it makes my insomnia sound more noble than it truly is?

[The comment about the last time they were at Fox Way causes him to pause in his pettings. Drill Bit gently nudges his hand, not quite head butting him, but it reminds him that she is not quite a puppy. His throat goes tight when he thinks of Blue possibly being different, being an illusion. He knows Ronan is real, but everything else they've been given has caused him to doubt this place. Now Blue might be another sign that they're being manipulated by whatever brought them here.]

Then you're from a different time as well.

The only thing wrong with you is your fashion sense. Everything else is this place.

[ As much as she's been trying to make a normal life here, she can't shake the weird feeling that the city gives her -- especially with everything changing so drastically overnight.

She reads Gansey's message over a few times -- she knew already that Ronan's from a different time than her own, but it never crosses her mind that the others might be as well. Up until now, she hasn't really sat with the thought of timelines and their location along them. It's all so overwhelming. ]

it's weird. [ That's the simplest way she can think to put it, but it barely scratches the surface. ] are all of us from different times?

The longer that I'm here, the more I doubt that. I feel like something's wrong, but I don't know if it's the expected type of wrong or something more concerning.

[It's far more honest than he'd normally be with any of them. Perhaps texting and the presence of his pet make it easier to admit to his fears. The thought causes an ache as he unconsciously looks for Noah even though Gansey knows he isn't there. Before he realizes what he's doing, he types a new message.]

I miss Noah.

Ronan and I are from the same time. He'd just given me the newly minted Pig before we arrived.

I assume that you're from a different time than the two of us.

[Gansey considers mentioning Adam but he has other worries related to him that he isn't certain that he should express. Instead he leaves that detail out, unsure if he wants Blue to notice that exclusion or not.]

I know what you mean. I keep thinking I'll figure it out tomorrow or the next day and all I end up with is more questions.

[ She sighs heavily and rolls over in her bed -- this reminds her of back home too. Late-night talks with Gansey, sharing secrets until they couldn't keep their eyes open. ]

I do, too. I hope he's okay.

[ The point in time Gansey talks about feels like so long ago to Blue. So many things had happened, so many things hand changed since then and she really tries her best to understand it all. Time doesn't work in normal ways, but this is stranger than even she expected.

Gansey and Ronan from the past, her from the future, it's hard to wrap her mind around, along with everything else happening here. ]

A little different. You and I went to Henry Cheng's party. We had fun. [ She leaves it at that, the details can always come later. ] But when we got back to my house, something was wrong with Noah.

[He's not playing favorites. It's something he tells himself regularly, even when it seems unnecessary. He can't burden Ronan with this and he doesn't trust Adam. Not the way he should. That might be because the future is so hard to accept or other details that he's been worrying over.]

For me it's something deeper than there's something wrong with this dimension or what brought us here. I wonder if it's something wrong with me.

[Noah would know, but no matter how selfish he can be occasionally, Gansey can't wish that his friend was here. Being so far from the ley line would probably harm him.]

Why would we go to Cheng's party? I've barely talked to him since I quit the team.

Is Noah all right?

I don't think anything is wrong with you. If something is wrong with you, then something is wrong with all of us. We're all here, after all.

[ But the thought had never occurred that something could be wrong with all of them -- other than the unsettling feeling that this place gives her from time to time, she feels completely normal.

(Or does she? Maybe she's just telling herself that? Even more questions.) ]

I don't know, he invited you to this toga party. And you invited me to come along too. [ There's so much more than that -- there's all the calls, the long drives in The Pig, the moments where they just wanted to pretend they could be normal teenagers -- but Blue isn't sure just how much she should reveal. She's never been the one with knowledge of the future, she doesn't know the correct way to wield such power. ] A lot happens between your time and mine.

[ That's one way to put it. ]

I don't know. Something had him. He was possessed and we were trying to save him.

[Perhaps Blue's right and there isn't anything wrong with him. Maybe it's nothing more than knowing too much about the future. It makes him wonder how others accept that knowledge without the kind of doubts that have been bothering him.]

How does your mother deal with knowing the future? I can't seem to find the knack for pigeonholing it correctly.

[The idea of going to a party - a toga party - is so strange that he isn't sure what to think of it. He'd been to some of the rowing team parties when he'd first started at Aglionby, but he'd lost interest once he'd become friends with Ronan and Noah.]

Just the two of us at a toga party?

Did I lose a dare with Ronan?

[Not because he went with Blue, but the idea of a toga party leaves him slightly uncomfortable. A bit too exposed in more ways than the obvious. He shifts slightly and ends up with half a goat draped on his leg. Smiling at Drill Bit, he moves her so they're both more comfortable.]

I didn't think a ghost could become possessed.

[ She smiles softly at the message. Despite the strange time differences and pocket dimensions, Gansey still somehow managed to be right there on the same wavelength as her. ]

I'm not sure. Something about with great power comes great responsibility? I've never found myself in this dilemma either. I don't think I'd make a very good psychic.

[ She's never been more thankful to be just average Blue Sargent. The knowledge of the future is a heavy weight to bear. ]

No. [ She retypes her message what feels like a hundred times before settling on something. ] Adam and I broke up, so you and I were getting closer. You thought it would be fun. Like a date. [ Like a date. Not a date. Blue still isn't sure what exactly that night was for them. She hadn't even gotten the chance to finish it. ]

I didn't either, but he definitely wasn't Noah anymore. The voice coming out of him was scary. And I was trying to get him to fight it and come back, but it wasn't working. You saved us.

I don't think I would be either if this is how knowing the future feels.

[He isn't even sure how he feels. Most of the time he's caught off balance, forcing his emotions into the darker recesses of his mind so he can be the Gansey they all know. In some ways he's wearing more masks here than he ever had in D.C. There's a part of him that hates it, but he doesn't know what else to do.]

Adam told me about the breakup. He didn't say much about it, but it didn't seem like he treated you the way he should have.

[The text buys him time to consider the rest of Blue's words. Another hint at the future that Gansey doesn't know how to process or how to deal with. He loves Blue. He loves all of them. He just isn't certain that he'd risk his life by dating blue.

But now it's obvious that he does. The knowledge sits heavy.]

In the past I had too little future. Now I have too much.

How could I save Noah from possession? I know quite a bit about magic and ley lines, but I don't know how to exorcise anyone.

If only you could choose what parts of the future you know. Selective psychic.

Some people just don't work in a relationship together, despite how much they care about each other. I think Adam and I were that type.

[ Which is to say that she loves Adam just as deeply as the rest of her Raven Boys, but they simply weren't made to be tied solely to one another -- were any of them? Their friendship is all-consuming and Blue feels connected to each one of them in a way that she's never felt before. ]

It wasn't like an exorcism. You used my energy and you told him to be Noah again and... then he was gone. Then I was here.

[ She'll leave out the part about nearly losing an eye, Gansey already has enough on his plate to worry about. ]

I thought knowing the future would make things simpler.

[But somehow it feels worse. He's overwhelmed by it. Maybe if he told Ronan... but that wasn't fair to Ronan. He was adjusting and accepting life here. Who knew how he'd react to knowing what happens to Gansey and Cabeswater? If Gansey couldn't accept that loss, how could Ronan?]

That might be true, but how he described it didn't sit well.

[It's the closest Gansey will come to questioning his friend's actions, but it hadn't seemed right. It isn't Blue's fault that she's cursed, which makes the idea of their 'like a date' even more strange and difficult to categorize.]

Gone doesn't mean GONE. He'll be okay if I - we - managed to banish whatever took him over.

[He'll keep telling himself that until it's true. If he has some sort of magic related to words, he'll make sure that Noah is safe.]

We both made some bad decisions, he wasn't the only one at fault.

[ She pauses and thinks over her next message, trying to decide if it's information that she wants. Adam is clearly from a different time than Gansey, but how far off was he from her own time? Did she and Adam come from the same point, the same way that Ronan and Gansey did? Or was he from somewhere even further in the future?

(And all this timeline stuff was really starting to make her head hurt.) ]

When is he from? [ It doesn't become any less weird of a phrase the more she says it. ]

I hope so. He hasn't been quite himself, things were kind of weird back home. They don't ever seem to stop being weird, do they?

[If he was less tactful, he'd comment about the ended relationship, but he lets it go, not wanting to take sides. He knows he isn't playing favorites. It's more concern regarding how Adam had described the breakup than siding with one or the other.]

Adam says that he's from a point in time that seems to be over year after Ronan gave me the Pig.

Ronan and I arrived just after he showed it to me. We're both from that point.

[If he could reach his journal, he'd take notes, but someone is very comfortable on his lap. Sighing, he closes his eyes, trying to ignore how tired he is and how relaxing it is to have Drill Bit beside him. She really needs to learn to be on her own, not following him everywhere. Which he really isn't encouraging by petting her and ending up spending the night in a stall with her.]

No, they don't.

Noah will be more himself when Adam stabilizes the ley line. If he's not, we'll find another place for him so he can get more energy.

[ Of course Blue was fully aware that there was a future -- her family made their livelihood by looking into the future, after all. -- but she hadn't considered the possibility that her own point in time wasn't the end of the line.

Call it thinking a bit selfishly. ]

Did he tell you what happens to all of us?

[ All her life she's wished to have the same sight that her mother and aunts had, but now that the opportunity to know the future sat right in front of her, she wasn't sure that she really wanted to know. ]

It was scary. It didn't look like he'd ever be himself again. Something is wrong back home, I just want us to go back and fix it.

[ Thankfully, this isn't a voice or video call, because a few tears escape Blue's eyes, getting about halfway down her cheeks before she wipes them away and tries to steel herself from crying any longer. ]

He told me a few things.

[Things that he didn't want to think about late at night, even if this is, technically, early for him.]

Nothing that we should be too concerned about. Everything turns out all right in the end.

[At least he's been telling himself that until it almost seems true.

He pauses from scritches to consider what would happen to Noah and their future here. He probably takes too long to message, but he wants to have the right words, with the right actions behind them,.]

He will be himself. Because we know it will happen. We'll research everything we can that might possibly help him. When you return, you'll have everything you need to save Noah from whatever was attacking him.

[ She makes a mental note to herself to talk to Adam at some point about all this. She'd rather get the answer straight from the horse's mouth (so to speak) rather than just hearsay from the others. ]

I guess that's the most important part then, isn't it?

[ It's comforting to know, and Blue wonders if this is how people feel when they leave Fox Way with a positive sort of reading. ]

You're right. We'll get Noah back to how he was and figure out what is going wrong with Cabeswater too.

[ She wonders if the more she tells herself this that she'll actually grow to believe it. ]

What do you think happens when we go back? Do we forget all of this?

[He's grateful that they aren't actually speaking. He isn't certain that the lies could come so easily if Blue was listening to him. From what Adam's said, they will be all right, but Gansey still doubts that his friends had made the right decisions. A fear that has become an unwelcome companion with his insomnia.

He looks down at Drill Bit, who seems to have mastered sleep better than he has, trying to decide what to say about Cabeswater.]

It is what's important.

I don't think we should concern ourselves with Cabeswater. Noah should be our priority.

I assume if we go back, we'll remember parts of what happened. Something like deja vu, but not all the details.

[It's a theory that he's been using to help him accept the future and what's going on in the present. Whether it's valid or not hasn't been as important as making sure that he keeps up the Richard Gansey III image for everyone.]

Fluxscape IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject